Well, They Are Boots
by Hannah Elizabeth
Summary: When a tornado rips through Manhattan,Mush is transported to a pastel world filled with wicked witches, singing midgets and talking shrubberies. A sort of Newsies in Oz parody written for AKWNM.


A/N: This was written for a contest at Angry Kids with No Money. It's random, off the wall, and kind of strange.

And yes, it **_is_** a parody.

Well, They _Are_ Boots… 

"Mush! Mush!" Kid Blink cried gleefully, prodding Mush as he lay in bed. "Get up! Time for work!"

"Go away…" Mush grumbled, swatting at his friend.

"Come on lazy." Blink says, pulling the sheet of him and dragging him off the bunk. "We're gonna be late!"

"Don't care…" Mush says as he rubs his eyes. "Too tired…"

"Hey Mush, didn't get enough sleep last night?" Racetrack joked as Mush walked into the washroom. The rest of the newsies were jostling and fighting each other to get to the sinks before work began. Mush pushed his way sleepily to where Racetrack was shaving.

"Shut up Race." Mush says, pushing Racetrack out of his way. He quickly splashed water over his face, which woke him up considerably. Unfortunately it was pretty cold, so his face was also numb. The price we pay for beauty.

That day Mush sold papers all over Manhattan. He was just going home when out of nowhere a huge tornado whipped through New York. All of the other Newsies went running around screaming like little girls with their heads off… oh wait, or is that chickens? Ok, so all of the other Newsies went running around screaming like girl chickens with their heads cut off. Mush ducked into the Lodging House for shelter.

The tornado pulled up the whole building Mush was hiding in and pulled it through the air. Mush hit his head and blacked out as cows flew past his window.

After the twister was over and had dropped the building down he woke up and walked to the door. A strange site met his eyes.

Mush stepped out of the Lodging House and into what could only be described as the strangest place he had ever seen. Huge multi-colored flowers surrounded the path before him, paved with bright yellow bricks. A little town, resembling a—well, you've all seen the movie, haven't you? If you haven't, think psychedelic Hobbiton. May I continue?

Mush jumped. The flowers had definitely just giggled. Gingerly he took a few steps down the path. There it was again! The flowers were laughing at him!

_Ohmigosh I'm going crazy…_ Mush thought to himself, hyperventilating just a little.

Then he noticed music. And not just any music; cheesy tinkling-of-bells Hollywood music.

_Something important must be about to happen! _He thought, and instantly quit his girly panic attack. All of the canon fans breathe a sigh of relief. But not so fast ladies…

As he looked out on the horizon he saw, slowly approaching, a small bubble. It floated towards him slowly. Very slowly. So slowly that everyone wanted to bang their head against a wall and yell, "GET ON WITH IT!"

Eventually the bubble reached Mush. He had sadly fallen asleep and had failed to notice how very large the bubble had gotten. It was now bigger that he was and woke him with a loud POP.

"Stupid dress…" Someone grumbled.

"What the…" Mush said. He stared at the figure that stood in place of the bubble. The person was wearing a huge, sparkly pink dress, a curly blonde wig, and a black cowboy hat.

"_Jack_?" Mush chokes out.

"Hmm? What?" They said, peering around at Mush. "Er, no, I'm not Jack. I'm Glinda the Good Witch. And you are Mush Meyers."

"Who are you, Morpheus?" The fans asked.

"Who are they?" Mush whispered to Glinda.

"Oh, ignore them." Glinda told him. "They're disgruntled fans who don't like seeing their favorite character in drag."

"Oh. I get it." Mush said. Except he really didn't.

"Now, let's see…" Glinda said under his breath, looking around his huge tent-of-a-dress. "Where did those little midgets get to?"

_Midgets? _Mush thought to himself, when about a zillion little mini-clowns began running out of the flowers to dance and sing in squeaky chipmunk voices. Glinda conducted them with his staff that was obviously a Gandalf rip-off. The midgets were singing something about some old lady kicking the bucket under a big building…

"Wait," Mush asked one of the little people. "Who killed this lady?"

"Why you did!" The boy said.

"What?" Mush said, his voice getting just as squeaky as the midgets. "I didn't kill anyone!"

Without a word Glinda points to the building that Mush had landed in. From under the bottom of the bricks two feet could be seen, wearing work boots. Red, sparkly work boots.

"Oh. I guess I did." Mush said quietly.

"That is no lady." Glinda explained. "That was the mental Witch of the East. She had these people enslaved until you dropped your ship on her."

"It's not a ship." Mush tells him.

"Whatever," Glinda said. "But now her even more mental sister the Wicked Witch of the West is going to come scoop up those magic boots unless you wear them."

"But I don't want a pair of old boots, even if they do have cool matching laces." Mush explained to them all. "I just want to go home."

"Well, wear those boots to the Emerald City and maybe the great Wizard of Oz can get you home." Glinda said, pointing to the path that led out of the town. "Just follow the yellow brick road."

"Follow the yellow brick road!" One of the midget clowns said.

"Follow the yellow brick road!" Two more chorused.

And then they began singing again. Mush covered his ears as he pulled the red shoes off the witch and onto his own feet. As Glinda became another big floating bubble Mush began to run down the road, chased by the little singing guys.

So after a few miles Mush lost the singing midget clowns and proceeded at a leisurely pace down the yellow road. He soon came across a talking Scarecrow with a nasally voice that sounded like a certain Jewish gimp Mush knew hanging on a pole. He got the Scarecrow down and together they set off down the road (a bit slower because of the Scarecrow's limp.) Then they came across a rusted Tin Man in the woods that they oiled and saved. He looked remarkably like Mush's best friend, tin eye patch and all. Then the three of them came to a cowardly Lion who reminded Mush of none other than little Boots. So together they walked to the Emerald City, Scarecrow to get a brain, Tin Man to get a heart, Lion to get bravery, and Mush to get home and lose the fugly shoes.

They soon met the Wicked Witch of the West, and Mush decided that she really had something against him. She had tried already tried to get the shoes by reasoning with him (and by reasoning she tried to light them all on fire and have some trees bomb them with rotten apples.) That didn't go over so well for the Witch. So she disappeared for a while, promising to get the shoes somehow, even if it meant killing all of them. Mush guessed that that would really just be a plus for her.

Then they came out of the woods with the talking shrubbery and saw the great Emerald City in the distance. They began to skip through the huge poppy field that some unfortunate special effects supervisor had to plant. Sadly, the Witch decided to poison all the poppies with anthrax. Soon Mush and the Lion began to get sleepy and keel over in the middle of the field and the Scarecrow and Tin Man got a bit of an anxiety attack. But then they met the Mouse Queen and

Edited by Paramount Pictures for time

So, now awake and somehow not drugged at all, the four companions made their way to the Emerald City. They had some trouble getting in to see the Wizard, but after the Witch flew out on a 747 with a banner that says, "Bring me the pretty boy with the sparkly shoes!" they were let through. The Wizard, being a very large and green floating head over a chair, told them to go get the Witch's broom and bring it back. Mush said, "You're kidding, right?"

But he wasn't, so they went off to the castle in the west. There Mush was taken hostage while the rest of them were attacked by a barrel of flying monkeys and taken to the highest tower and locked up. The Witch set an egg timer for one hour and told him that if he didn't give up the heels she'd eat him. Poor Mush.

But then Mush's three friends burst through the doors (though how a scarecrow can break down a door is beyond me.) They tried to run but Mush's girly-ness was tripping them up. So of course they were caught and the Witch spend a few minutes laughing at them. Mush thought she was drunk, and threw a conveniently placed bucket of water on her.

Unfortunately for the Witch (but fortunate for our heroes) she had an aversion to water. So she melted when it hit her. There was much rejoicing.

They brought the broom back to the Wizard, who they found was actually not a large green floating head. He was actually Les Jacobs, though he denied it. He gave each of then what they wanted until only Mush was left.

"But Mush, you got your wish." Les said. "You wanted boots, didn't you. I know they're sparkly, but they _are _boots…"

"I don't want boots any more. I just want to go home." Mush cried in a very unmanly way.

"Enough with the girly jokes!" The fans yelled at their computers.

"Well, I can't get you home." Les told him. "Impossible."

"You sure?" Mush asked.

"Yep." Les said.

"Positive?"

"Uh-huh."

"No way what-so-ever?"

"None."

Suddenly Glinda appeared, big pink dress and all.

"Oh oh, I can do it! I can sent you home!" He said happily. "All you need to do is click your heels three times while saying, 'There's no place like home.' And there you'll be!"

"That's it?" Mush said.

"Yes." Glinda said with a nod.

So Mush tried it. He closed his eyes and clicked his heels three times.

"There's no place like home…" He thought to himself. "There's no place like home… there's no place like home…"

He woke up on the floor of the Lodging House, surrounded by his friends. Jack, Boots, Crutchy, Las and Blink stood over him.

"I had the strangest dream, and you were in it Boots, and you too Crutchy, and you were in a dress Jack!" Mush said.

"Er…" Jack said, more than a little confused. "What you been smoking Mush?"

"Yeah Mush," Les asked him. "And where'd you get the sparkly boots?"

Mush looked down and noticed that the red boots were still on his feet, glittering slightly in the light.

"Oh… no where…"


End file.
